With Cohutta 100 race coming our way this weekend, there is one thing on every bodies mind. Who is going to win the battle between the new Slightly Big Worm and The Ankle Biting Chiweeni Little D.
Slightly Big Worm use to be a big worm till earlier this year. It has got a lot of people wondering if maybe something was wrong. So I did some research and determined that his body has some kinda worm inside him. We aren't talking homosexual reference here. I am talking about an actual tape worm. Regional Doctor Dr.Darnel, whole specializes in cavity checks, recently spoke with me about this drastic drop in weight saying: "bigga please! that bitch has a worm deep inside him, no homo..." So what will come of him this weekend? Will the gel flask help or will lil willie the tape worm take all of his nutrients and leave him vulnerable to the little chiweeni?
Who is Lil'D and What is a Chiweenie? A Chiweenie is a cross between a Chiwawa and a weenier dog. Lil'D is a thugged out little smart ass that squeals like a pig. Don't let the high pitch voice and tiny appearance fool you. Down in Mexico with her other short people, she is known for her fierce sprint and surprising speed! The most recent victim Jim aka the Disappointment or the majestic jackass was out sprinted by her on the Chairs Ride. Little is known about this rare species of Bitch but if you hear a squeal coming your way you might wanna look over shoulder and make sure you aren't the next victim!
So as you can see this is an interesting battle. Ones slightly large and ones really short. Here are the characteristics side by side.
Slightly Big Worm
Height: Over 6'
Hair Color: N/A
Facial Hair: Patchy Stalker Style
Riding Style: Like an Over Sized Doe
Favorite Food: Food? Where? Must Eat..
Height: "hello down there"
Weight: about 1/3 of Worm
Hair Color: Blonde
Facial hair: Hope There is None
Personality: Bubble Blaster
Riding Style: Kinda Like a Honey Badger
(not the most graceful but takes what she wants)
Favorite Food: Mexican Food Durr Chiweenie
As you can tell from these stats, its going to be an interesting battle. We know the worm can eat more and we know Lil'D can squeak, but who will win the Cohutta 100.
Quotes on betting:
Terry: "I don't know worm is skinny!" "he must have a tape worm"
Norman: "giggle giggle stupid goat ropers"
Paul Lawrence: "(slow) giggle..."
Berg: "check out my new stereo I got another sub.."
Ron: "Put 20 buck on you (Chris), you are my horse..."
Steve: "I am to busy getting round"
Carl: "Demo today at 2pm"
Kent: "Friday night special: Bull riding in the parking lot. Proceeds go to me..."
Jim: "well...since Lil'D rapes me every wed in the sprint...I put $5 on Lil'D."
Daren: "check this pic from my customers car"
Rick: "I am doing a dirt ride, then soccer practice..."
Tim: "what ever nancy says"
As regular pain in the ass and normal hell raiser that is borderline appropriate, I predict a close battle that comes down to the line and the Chiweenie gets it by a floppy ear.
In all fairness I am super jealous and wish I was up there with y'all. I hate being out of shape and seeing everyone riding really well. I hope y'all have a safe ride and don't have any bad luck. And bring me back some dame apple turn overs.
Tomorrows blog on Cohutta will feature a story of a donkey blooming into a majestic stallion!