Sunday, October 25, 2009
I know I haven't done this in a long time but things have been very up and down.
This fall started out good and with an unexpected new female in my life. I was talking to a girl that I thought was the shit and thought that I could have a long time relationship with. It gave me motivation to get back on the bike and show that I still had the talent that I had shown going through the ranks in the late 90s and early 2000s. Things were all going good with some epic times at the beach with the fam and with the chain gang, and my legs were feeling pretty good.
The weekend of the gainsville race was suppose to be a fun weekend with my chick and be a come back to the expert/ cat 1 ranks. The weekend was fun with the girl but resulted in dramatic downward spin. The night before the race she got me wasted and later into a fight with. Not the best preparation for the opening race of the fl state championship. I woke up thinking about my relationship with her and not my race! Bad idea. Come time for the race I am still not focused and sweating alcohol profusely! I get a shitty start but decide to just settle in and just pick people off. The plan doesn't work. I crash in the first mile and continue to ride like a lil girl the whole first lap! I bail after the first lap of the worst race of all time. I left the race not speaking a word to anyone. I have never been so disappointed and miserable after a race. I drove half of the way home with no music and kept slamming my fist on the dash of the car. I decided half way home that I was going to never race again!
The downward spiral continued as me and the girl not be named slipped up and told me she was making out with a guy at a party and that she had been talking to another guy for about a month. All at the same time school and work wasn't going good either. It was a low of all lows. I use to just fall back on riding but even that couldn't help.
As my struggles continued, I stopped riding and became a bum. I ate a lot, turned 21 and reached an all time high in weight. 147 lol. O and I had a brand new custom 29er single speed that I waited almost a year for and I wasn't riding it. Its only the prettiest bike of all time! It was ridiculous!
After a few drunkin weekends and 200+ dollars of partying, something clicked the week of the Tallahassee race. I started riding the single speed about two weeks before the race but nothing really consistent. The week of the race, it was like a light bulb was turned on. I kinda became a new person. I was focused for the first time in probably over a year or more. The night before the race wasn't anything like gainsville. I hydrated alot, ate well, watched two mtb movies, and cleaned every inch of the black cat. I woke up ready to brawl and got super motivated blasting rise against before the race.
The race was a blast and I felt like a lil kid again. I got a descent start and made the lead group in the early part of the race. I sat in the back of the group just itching to attack but resisted and just made sure no one got away from me. By the time we go to the bmx track I was still feeling good and people looked like they were struggling. So I didn't even think I just attacked. It was the first instinctive attack in many years. I quickly gaped the group and put my head down and never looked back. Come the end of the second lap I was going good still leading but I was starting to hurt. I get passed right at the end of the lap but I gritted my teeth and tried to keep him in sight. The instinctive attack came back to haunt me on the last lap, plus I didn't eat or drink enough. I was completely fried from head to toe. I was getting light headed and crashed twice, as a result of being so weak that I couldn't correct mistakes. I lost one more spot but hung on for third. I don't know if I have ever been so happy to be third. I would have been bummed in the years past.
The day after the race, I am back on the bike. I go hard again and feel amazing. The legs continued to feel good and the motivation continued to this day. I racked up up 17 hours this week and I love my bikes again. I haven't had this feeling since high school and I haven't put in this many hours in a week in at least 3+ years. I feel like I have something to prove to people.
While things are all good on two wheels, school is still a struggle. I am having to drop two classes (fuck math) but I have realized what I don't want in life. I don't want to fucking sit at a desk for 8 hrs a day and stare at a fucking computer. So there won't be any more engineering major! I want something that I enjoy. That is yet to be determined. lol
The time of struggle also weened out some of my friends but made me enjoy the ones that are still there for me. It has open relationships and become closer with some un likely individuals: Lil armstrong and her chill bf. One other person has been there for me lately and it was unexpected. It started as a hi and how are you to someone that I never would have thought could be that cool. Easy to talk to and listens to me vent and complain constantly, while making me laugh, smile and happy all at the same time. Nothing would be the way it is with out my awesome best friends such as super chocolate bear, eli and dolly parton. They help through everything and are super influential in my decisions everyday. love y'all.
And of course the chain gang. I can't say enough about y'all. I have the best older brothers and lil brother that anyone could ask for. Y'all keep me grounded while making me laugh and not worry about life. What more could someone ask for!
So things are good and I think good things are coming!