Friday, December 18, 2009

Drip Drip Goes the Motivation

With the rain and school the last couple weeks, it has made me think a lot and stress occasionally. School brings around the ideas of not passing and the thought of when I am going to figure out what I need to do just to get through this. I am not a school person. I have issues paying attention and focusing. I just hate sitting in a class room listening to a teacher. They mine as well sound like Charlie Brown's teacher, cause I don't listen. I just go through the book write the definitions down memorize them an hour before my tests. Sorry Mom. Its just that I am thinking about being outside and not having enough time to be able to do everything I want. Dreams are what they are and they are what distract me from every day life. I'll go ahead and give you the short list of what I have thought about doing and achieving.

-The ultimate goal of mine is is become the best rider possible. I still have that dream of being able to just ride and travel for a living. I know its not something I can do for ever but I feel like I wasting away at my chances. Yeah its partly my fault but at the same time there are so many frustrating things that get in the way such as money, school, jobs, and normal responsibilities.

-Races that I would like to do: la ruta, BC Stage race, Paris-roubaix, Tour de Flander, Houfaliz World Cup, any Belgian World Cup cx race, 1-3 week Stage race, hut to hut, and at least one world championship. I would do just about anything to represent the US at an International level again. The list goes on but those the are the ones I would love to have a shot at.

-Bike Ideas! Wow I don't know where to start. lets just say I went through twenty different custom frame builders websites in one sitting the other night, which was the night before my exam. I want one of everything and have some crazy ideas. Just ask worm he'll tell you about three a day. Here is my two current favorites:

-Of course there are the normal goals in life such as a wife and children but those are boring and I will keep going.

These goals are what keep me from falling into total boredom and into a party crazed individual that is more worried about how many games of beer pong that were won last night. But this darn rain, school,and pressure can put a damper on motivation. Its like a constant roller coaster. But I try to say fired up and stay focused. I constantly think about it and how easy shit use to be. I flew through the ranks and then sputtered and can't seem to get rolling consistently. I think about how the majority the guys my age that I could beat a couple of years are now pro. One in particular has signed a pro contract and has already had a podium finish at a national. It f***in kills me! Another frustrating thing for me is watching Berg. He is having all kinds of success and doing everything I did but a hair better though he is only riding mtbs and I think he had a little better guidance. Its weird I see him having the same struggles with parents, school, races and trying to have social life which isn't easy at that age. I mean exactly alike. David all you go to do is keep the parents happy, not be grumpy a**, keep riding even when sh*t doesn't go your way and don't let adversity get to you. I would also like to personally welcome you to the Cat 1 ranks but remember I warned you! Don't get lazy and you got to keep racing your a** off to be competitive. Its not just another lap its a commitment. There is no more laying off the bike for two weeks and being able to expect to do well that weekend at a race. Your shaking your head with a half smirk but I am serious and I need to do the same. But anyway I am proud of where you have come from and I have taught you well lol. God, this makes me think hard about what I should have done things differently and about how if I only knew somethings I know now then.

Though I over think about all of these things daily, they are what keeps me going. I want to succeed again and give those goals a shot. I think they are obtainable with some pressure from myself, but hopefully some guidance from Rick and other.

OK I am ready to ride!

I am sure y'all have noticed by now I am changing my style of writing. no more crazy outburst of explicit words, though I will continue to to post music with explicit material.