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Would you like to bump and grind on me?

Last weekend was the first expert/cat 1 mtb race that I have done in years. I have been riding a good amount, with a few bumps in the road but still with one goal to be competitive again.
As my first race back,  I chose Bump and Grind. I never thought that it was a dumb idea or thought maybe I should start with another one. No I thought the hardest xc mtb race in the southeast would be a good idea.
So the uh oh Oreo crew (kayla, tyrell, and I) left early Saturday and headed to Pelham, home of Oak Mtn State Park. After I arriving to beautiful weather, I find Berg and try to arrange a pre ride. As it turns out cat 1/ pro classes was a 1 lap 31 mile loop.  Instead of doing the traditional start that follows the lake, they have you do a 180 and go up the pavement to Jekyll and Hyde. What I didn't realize till the top of the climb was that it was the downhill course backwards. After asking Victor Alber like 3 times if we were really going to the right way they finally told me the whole loop. We were going the right way and I had to have looked like a deer in the head lights. I was in shock and thinking what have I gotten myself into. "I am not sure this was a good idea coming here to race,""I can't make it up this climb on a pre ride?" "wtf am I going to do tomorrow with a whole class of riders?" "I sound like Jim" "stop thinking"

Went up this!

So in a nut shell this is what the course route was. Up Jekyll and Hyde, then take a right immediately into blood rock followed by the traditional single track towards the finish. Instead of going to the finish line they had you turn left and do all the single track around the lack towards the single track that we use to start with. This was followed by the 3 mile climb then back down Jekyll and Hyde to the finish.

After learning the loop direction from Victor, I realize that if I wanted to pre ride everything it would be basically a 31 mile ride. Not happening! I end up riding just the new stuff in effort to stay as fresh as possible for the race. I split off from David who was doing the super D, which he apparently won and had the fastest time of anyone. I end up ride by myself with thoughts continuing to run through my head. "this is dumb and I am retarded!"

I get to the hotel call my dad who basically says don't be a pussy but in nice way and we talk strategy. I then complain to Jim and Worm. Worm thankfully calls and we chat and it made me relax and stop thinking about the race. Thanks big man.

The rest of the evening was spent at the summit shopping and eating with the uh oh oreo crew. It was nice having them a long for the trip, it took the mind off racing because they couldn't complain with me and worry about the trail. They were more worried about there food selection and choice of cheesecake at the cheesecake factory. This was my selection: Kahlua Cocoa Coffee Cheesecake! its amazing!

Race day came and it was beautiful day with no clouds and actually started off a little chilly. I scrambled around for an hour before the race with a flat tire, trying to eat and just trying to get everything ready. I was still able to get about a 15 min warm up but it felt like time was fast forward and I had butterflies.

I Roll up to the line and it is probably the most stacked expert class that I have ever rode in at bump and maybe anywhere. I just kept think ahhhh shit give me break! There were 5 different people that I heard of and knew that they had a chance of winning, but the creeper Andy Johnston was definitely the favorite.

Gun goes off and the butterflies can finally fly loose and leave my stomach. The new start was surprisingly smooth and not crazy. Everyone kinda knew where they were suppose to be going into the woods. I was right where I wanted to be sitting 6th (13 total in my class plus the 30-34 experts) going in to the woods. I quickly got into a rhythm that I hadn't been able to do the day before and felt pretty competitive. We hit the Hyde part of the trail with the uphill rock gardens and I clear almost every thing other than a few spots where I was wasn't given a chance to because of people in front of me making mistakes. I was feeling pretty damn happy and the confidence was starting to build because I could still see the tail end of the lead group as they were turning off of Jekyll and Hyde to blood rock. I kept thinking relax breathe catch you breath on blood rock and the part after it and find my own pace. Then I will worry about the people in front of me and behind me. The bad news is that never happened. After making it down blood rock, I made it around a few of the big downhill sweeping corners and was doing fine just letting the bike roll and leting it do its own thing. Well I guess I should have braked more. I hit one of the rock water bars awkwardly and came out of the main line and immediately knew it wasn't going to be good. I came down out of the main line and the rear tire went flat. I got to a stop as soon as I could and tried to stay as calm as possible and not freak out while changing the flat. Flat fix went really quick and seamlessly. So I am thinking ok the bad luck is out of the way now and its time to try and make up as many spots as possible now that I was sitting last. But I never get that chance as well. I made it another couple hundred yards down the same descent and the front tire goes flat. I already used my spare so I start walking the trail in hope that someone will give me a tube. One issue was that almost everyone had already gone by me as a result of expert doing a completely different loop. Only 3-4 riders come by me they are all on 29ers fuck! everyone offers a tube but can't use it. I know you can make it work in a 26 but I have never done it before and know it won't last long on a course this rough. So after that I walk another 1/4 mile, finally some recreational riders on $500 treks come by and I beg and plead and they give me a tube. He pulls it out and I see a patch right away and think there is no way this will last but thank them and proceed to fix the flat. The tube holds up and I continue on the long journey by myself. I see kayla and tyrell at the first neutral feed stop. I get a fresh bottle, a kiss on the cheek, and find out that I am 30-45 mins behind anyone. I do continue on and I pass two people not in my class. Other than that I see no one. I try to stay motivated and ride hard but its really hard to. All I am thinking is Jim's ugly ass face saying something about dnfing, Korecky jinxing me at zone 5, and how I am going to write this blog.

I end up have a smooth rest of my now training ride with no issues and come in about 50 mins behind the winner  the creeper. I surprisingly stayed calm and never really let the flat piss me off. I did dwelled on it but there wasn't really much I could have done. Shit happens and I have to move one. The bad news was I never really found out where my fitness was. I came into the race with questions and and left with more. Could I have kept that pace after the start and been competitive? I don't know? I don't think I could have touched the top 4 or five but I would have liked to have known how far off my fitness was.

All I know is that I will keep training and look forward to my next race, which is probably arrowhead.

I am usually calm but....

So I have been riding/racing on the mtb since 1996 and I would consider myself borderline old school. Being that I grew up in the sport when it was peaking or just after its peak in money/popularity (or could be called Pre Lance Craze), I feel like us mtbers from that era kinda have the grumpy old man syndrome now where they hate change and shit messed with when it doesn't really need to be messed with.

Its not bike technology that aggravates us. We can get over flimsy "toilet paper" carbon frames and all the different wheels sizes and trends. This isn't a problem cause all of the different styles have there place and who doesn't like buying new stuff and trying new ideas in an effort to being faster than your buddies.

What you don't screw with is our trails. "But it is to bumpy, slick, technical, fast and scary!" Then don't ride the damn trail. "No we should make them easier."" They are washed out and water just runs off." Whoopty fucking do is all I have to say to all that bull shit. I can remember growing up going to trails where people were scared of trails. Trails such as Hard Rock, Lakeland, Redick, and Gatorback would have people worrying/ dreading racing there. Though we still have Gatorback and few other old school trails, I feel like regulations and jackasses have control of our trails.

Yes trails do need reroutes and trail work after awhile but it doesn't need the jackasses.

Zak's Definition of Trail Jackass:

1. One who rides through trail on their own will/desire and crashes then find someone to sue.
2. One who finds that the trail they are riding to hard for them and goes back and "fixes" the problem.
3. One who thinks they know how to do trail work and doesn't know jack shit and makes it worse or more dangerous. 

Why am I just rambling about this now? Cause this morning I was on Secrete Singletrack riding towards Forest Meadows and crashed my brains out lol. I have been doing this directions recently and haven't really noticed anything other than some of the odd I can't climb a hill reroutes, till today. While going down the hill just before climbing out towards Meridian my pedal clipped a small skinny stump  going down the hill directing me into a tree. The handlebar and knee hit first followed by a chest and shoulder. While I was stumbling around trying to keep my knee loose and catch my breath since I knocked the wind out of me, I looked up and found the stump directly next to the edge of the trail and slightly covered with leaves. While I was trying to regroup and looking over my bike a recreational guy came by asking me if I was ok in wide eyes. I then watched him climb up the trails where I had fallen. It then hit me, that it use to be narrow little tree shoot before taking a right hander and going up again. Result of a Trail jackass? My guess is probably because the climb use to be pretty difficult. Either way it hurt and ended my ride which I was only like 20 mins into. Trail work that isn't done correctly can be dangerous and really hurt someone and its aggravating.

I usually try to keep my old man syndrome in but today I just had to vent.  And to be completely honest I erased a couple of paragraphs on our recent trail work trends of machines and clay use but I decided that might be a little much and would turn into a lot of cursing.

But on a positive note I am feeling good on the bike and its nice to know the speed is coming back. Being able to notice the speed coming back just adds to the motivation and desire to keep training.

Two Crazy Videos

If you haven't been keeping up with the Giro, its been filled with the usual early sprint stage crashes. But this one has stirred up a lot of controversy. Watch for the guy bunny hopping cavendish!

This is just funny. Must match till the end. Asian Bike Lock

Chiweeni?

With Cohutta 100 race coming our way this weekend, there is one thing on every bodies mind. Who is going to win the battle between the new Slightly Big Worm and The Ankle Biting Chiweeni Little D.

Slightly Big Worm use to be a big worm till earlier this year. It has got a lot of people wondering if maybe something was wrong. So I did some research and determined that his body has some kinda worm inside him. We aren't talking homosexual reference here. I am talking about an actual tape worm. Regional Doctor Dr.Darnel, whole specializes in cavity checks, recently spoke with me about this drastic drop in weight saying: "bigga please! that bitch has a worm deep inside him, no homo..." So what will come of him this weekend? Will the gel flask help or will lil willie the tape worm take all of his nutrients and leave him vulnerable to the little chiweeni?

Who is Lil'D and What is a Chiweenie? A Chiweenie is a cross between a Chiwawa and a weenier dog. Lil'D is a thugged out little smart ass that squeals like a pig. Don't let the high pitch voice and tiny appearance fool you. Down in Mexico with her other short people, she is known for her fierce sprint and surprising speed! The most recent victim Jim aka the Disappointment or the majestic jackass was out sprinted by her on the Chairs Ride. Little is known about this rare species of Bitch but if you hear a squeal coming your way you might wanna look over shoulder and make sure you aren't the next victim!

So as you can see this is an interesting battle. Ones slightly large and ones really short. Here are the characteristics side by side.

                              Slightly Big Worm                                     
Height:                  Over 6'                                               
Weight:                 Heavy                                                
Hair Color:            N/A                                                  
Facial Hair:           Patchy Stalker Style                             
Personality:           Bubbly                                              
Riding Style:         Like an Over Sized Doe                
Favorite Food:      Food? Where? Must Eat..                 

                              Lil'D
Height:                  "hello down there"
Weight:                 about 1/3 of Worm
Hair Color:           Blonde
Facial hair:           Hope There is None
Personality:          Bubble Blaster
Riding Style:        Kinda Like a Honey Badger
                              (not the most graceful but takes what she wants)
Favorite Food:     Mexican Food Durr Chiweenie

As you can tell from these stats, its going to be an interesting battle. We know the worm can eat more and we know Lil'D can squeak, but who will win the Cohutta 100.

Quotes on betting:
Terry: "I don't know worm is skinny!" "he must have a tape worm"
Norman: "giggle giggle stupid goat ropers"
Paul Lawrence: "(slow) giggle..."
Berg: "check out my new stereo I got another sub.."
Ron: "Put 20 buck on you (Chris), you are my horse..."
Steve: "I am to busy getting round"
Carl: "Demo today at 2pm"
Kent: "Friday night special: Bull riding in the parking lot. Proceeds go to me..."
Jim: "well...since Lil'D rapes me every wed in the sprint...I put $5 on Lil'D."
Daren: "check this pic from my customers car"
Rick: "I am doing a dirt ride, then soccer practice..."
Tim: "what ever nancy says"

As regular pain in the ass and normal hell raiser that is borderline appropriate, I predict a close battle that comes down to the line and the Chiweenie gets it by a floppy ear.

In all fairness I am super jealous and wish I was up there with y'all. I hate being out of shape and seeing everyone riding really well. I hope y'all have a safe ride and don't have any bad luck. And bring me back some dame apple turn overs.

Mouth watering!!!

Tomorrows blog on Cohutta will feature a story of a donkey blooming into a majestic stallion!

gator needs to mow

gator needs to mow!

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Should be working on my final but this is what I found

Its so bad its awesome!

This one is more appropriate for the moment!